The Cosmolological and Moral Self

In "Anna Kareninna" Levin describes how I see myself cosmologically, "In infinite time, infinite matter, infinite space, is formed a bubble-organism, and that bubble lasts a while and bursts, and that bubble is Me." That describes my view except I will add that my bubble is part of the vast lattice-work of the "Totality",and when my bubble bursts it effects the whole lattice-work.
My bubble is guided in its course through "life" by the moral compass that guides Levin, "an infallible judge in his soul, determining which of two (or more in my case) courses of action was the better and which was the worse, and as soon as he did not act rightly, he was at once aware of it." If I live according to this moral compass, I feel pretty good most of the time. If I don't I feel the knife of my conscience piercing my heart, and I feel quite miserable. I find alcohol dissolves the judge, and that I can not hear what he is saying if I drink. As soon as alcohol evaporates from my judge's robes the judge reasserts his powers. If I have done something under the influence against his better judgement, I will feel powerful remorse. There are people that I observe who are never in touch with "The Judge". My second observation is that if this is the case, these individuals are capable of most any behavior regardless how heinous. If their behavior becomes very heinous, their demeanor is proportionately hateful.

David Bohm's Hologram

David Bohm’s Hologram

© Grover Lawlis

Waves of energy criss-crossing,

Their convergences imprinting,

Patterns of all universes existing,

The Implicate Order enfolding.

What we know

More than we see;

Our visual spectrum so

To us invisible this Sea.

I long to envision

The Implicate Totality

The ultimate perception

Of all-convening Infinity.

David Bohm (1917-1992) was a physicist who was one of the early creator’s of the concept of quantum mechanics and a contributor to the Manhattan Project. He also studied holograms extensively and developed the holonomic model of the mind. The concept of the universe being a hologram led him to develop, along with Karl Pribram, the concept of the human mind being a part of that hologram. Many thought he deserved the Nobel Prize for his work in physics in the 1980’s, but it eluded him. It is probably the closest science has come to some scientific understanding of a Creator.

The Queer

The Queer
© Grover Lawlis

Dark quiet solitude
How in this deep night
Came to me odious attitude
That I did not invite.

Growing from a realization
A notion is nagging me
A feeling of damnation
Of something I’m doomed to be,

Or is it I’ve been told
A damnable assignation
That my heart does hold
Love of a queer orientation.

When after life-long discontent
I finally discover
It is My Creator’s intent
That a man be my lover.


This poem represents my reflections this week.

More Living and Loving

Dan Brown in his most recent book talks about noetic science, the science of the mind-body connection. The Human Spirit is proven to actually have mass by one of the main characters. She demonstrates scientifically that the body loses a very small amount of mass at the time of death as the spirit leaves the body. Why not? Is that so inconceivable?
Essential to the understanding of the mind-body connection is that the body and mind are one during life and the chemicals with which the mind connects to the body and with which it communicates to the body are present in every fiber of the body. Mind and body protect and nurture each other. For a deeper explanation see the movie What the Bleep Do We Know. How do we build and maintain a healthy mind and body?
Consider selflessness. Selflessness is actually selfish because it makes you feel good. Treating others with love brings the love of others to you. Kindness begets kindness from others. The love of life produces a life of love. Loving living makes for a life of loving. Why? Because loving living radiates from your demeanor and attracts the love of others. Its a circle of giving that brings with it receiving.

About Living and Loving

Out of my struggles with life as a gay man and survival as an HIV positive person I have emerged from a crucible with a significantly altered conception of the meaning of living and loving. Certain Kabbalistic and noetic notions prevail in my Weltanschauung. Kabbalah teaches that when Adonai or Shaddai or Eloheinu (God or Maker of the Universe or Universal Spirit) whatever you may choose to call this force set existence, as we know it, in motion. I choose to believe that He, She, It decided to make our universe because He needed us. The Zohar says that in order to make space for us He took a deep breath and then began filling a vessel with Light. He did it with such force that the vessel could not contain it, and the vessel broke into shards of Light that spewed everywhere. That sounds like The Big Bang to me. The tale goes on that it is our job to collect these shards and repair The Universe, and this activity is called Tikkun Olam in the Jewish faith, translated "to fix the (broken) Universe". This notion of repair and service is central to my spirituality. This is accompanied by a sense of awe about the infinite complexity of this creation and the vast limitation of my ability to understand it. My favorite prayer in Hebrew and English begins: Michamocha baielim Adonai, Michamocha nedar bakodesh, nora t'hilot, osei feleh. Who is like you Oh God, Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in splendor, working wonders.