Thursday, December 9, 2010

From Christmas to Hannukah

In 2004 I converted to Judaism because of an evolution in my belief system that made it more compatible with my emotional life than Christianity which has been distorted beyond recognition by some provincial conservative elements in this country from a spirituality based on love and acceptance of our humanity to a hate-filled radical racist extremism based on religious dogma. More specifically, I came to believe in the Jewish philosophy of Kabballah. The origins of the Hannukah story come from the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem after it was retaken from the Syrian ruler Antiochas IV in the second century B.C.E. That history, some of which is verifiable, some of which is not, is not what is relevant to me. It has also been called The Festival of Lights, and candles are lit every evening of the eight evenings with prayers praising G-d. I light them with Nate, the love of my life.

Light as revered in the Eternal Flame worshiped in Judaism is a symbol of life eternal, and I mean by that the infinite energy of the Universe with which we are one. It is the same life providing force recognized universally among religions East and West. The Tao Te Ching wu wei and pu echo the recognition of energy, energy potentials, and the infinity of energy, space, and time. What becomes important about this energy is not its knowability or even its usefulness to us, but rather the acknowledgement of its presence or existence. Its unknowability, its ineffability becomes the significant feature.

What I cannot know is infinite. What I can know is only what I believe about a very few things. I believe that my happiness depends a great deal on my ability to accept, to love, to accept love, to seek peace, and to do what I can to make the world better, no matter how small my contribution may seem to be. I believe that gratitude contributes to my happiness, so I continually must remind myself of that.

So, during The Festival of Lights, I celebrate the light and what it means to me. I celebrate Life and the Force that allows me to experience it.

Friday, September 24, 2010

DADT,To Protect or To Persecute

EinSof is a monistic concept of God that holds that anything done in the universe affects everything else in the universe. DADT was on the brink of being repealed yesterday and at the same time was declared unconstitutional that the Republican machine blocked passage of the military spending bill its repeal was attached to. This occurred in spite of a poll indicating 75% of the American public wants it repealed. You Dem's out there angry at the Democratic Party need to reflect on what will happen if the Republicans are given more power in the mid-term elections. I encourage you all to go to the polls and vote for your party in spite of your anger and disappointment over whatever. This policy certainly fits with the concept of EinSof, because it's effect reach much further than the soldiers in our military.

Consider the three following points: It was framed under Clinton as a means to protect gay military personnel but, in fact, has been used or more accurately abused to proceed with a witch hunt that has resulted in the discharge of many gay service men based on anonymous accusations and invasion of privacy (ex. reading private e-mails); it is based on a psychologically unhealthy approach for all involved by encouraging people to hide who they really are and to lie by omission; and it is based on homophobia and discrimination against this minority group in America. If discrimination is fostered by the American government it means that any minority can be persecuted in this way.


Senator McCain was confronted by The Advocate that the air force in the instance of the discharge of a captain used his private e-mail to make their case that he is a gay man, even though he had not violated the DADT policy. Senator McCain very nastily maintained that the military does not do this until he realized he was on shaky ground and changed his words to "That is not the policy!" which he repeated angrily over and over again. People do get angry when they get caught lying. This has therefore affected the entire fabric of the integrity of our military and our government and if the American people are being lied to it has affected our society as well.

It has been shown that gay people are no different psychologically than the rest of our population and that it is psychologically unhealthy for them to live without revealing to family, friends, and co-workers who they really are. There is a sickness in our military establishment and it is called homophobia, an irrational hatred and persecution of homosexual individuals. The deleterious effects of homophobia, i.e. depression, substance abuse, and suicide are well documented. Should we tolerate our government and military establishment actively maintaining this psychologically unhealthy, destructive and discriminatory policy? If President Obama can end this with a stroke of a pen and doesn't, is he homophobic? He says he is not, but actions are what we must go by, and I am beginning to seriously question if the president is not engaging in the same discriminatory behaviour his own race has struggled with.

If we are to survive as a nation, we must be united and we cannot be if discrimination in any form is tolerated. It is too divisive. We must rid ourselves of this disease, and I call on our president to lead us out of this state of malady. What does it take to get his attention? In the racial unrest of the mid-twentieth century it took violence before racism was addressed. Would it come to that again before this country wakes up and smells the coffee? I can only say I hope not.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Ein Sof - א'ן סוף - A Belief System

It seems currently unpopular to have a belief in G-d. The question of greatest import in a belief system whether you call it G-d or Buddha or Tao is what purpose it serves. There is a concept called monism not to be confused with monotheism. Monism is the belief system of the Kabbalah theology, it is the notion of one G-d that is everywhere and everything including ourselves.

This single being includes the absence of everything also. To be in touch with this entity then is to be aware of yourself in the present as it is now, because its totality is everchanging so that the only way to be a part of it is in the present. Think of being the observer and the observed at one time. I find that meditation is the only way I can ever hope to achieve this experience. It is the ultimate of self-awareness for me. As the experience materializes, I feel an inner peace and the genuine ability to move outside of myself and thoughts occur to me generally of an existential nature for which I cannot find words.

The purpose of my theism is the feeling of inner peace and the awareness of self and not self, but most importantly to be in touch with the feeling of being one with all or one with infinity so, that at the same time, there is no separation between self and not self. These are very incredible and indescribable feelings that make me a better person, because I begin to truly care about more than myself. I care more about other people, the earth, other beings in general, and the forces that guide us through life as well as the forces that guide the universe. I, therefore, act to benefit others and the world around me, because I am aware of it and care about it. This is why I believe in G-d,in Ein Sof.

Do you have feelings of inner peace and purpose? Does this or another belief system make sense to you and make you a better person? I welcome any comments.

Friday, August 6, 2010

What is Intimacy?

I recently saw a gay blog site that quoted statistics that indicated that about one half of the gay couples in the San Fransisco area have open relationships. As I perused the comments about open relationships and how people think the incidence is much higher,etc., I did not see one comment about intimacy. The primary reason my partner and I of 7 years don't have an open relationship is that the moment a third party enters into the private territory of our sexual relationship, there is a break in the intimacy.

Intimacy is that special feeling that makes you know you are number one in your partner's list of priorities, and that the loss of the relationship with you is the last thing he wants to happen. It is the sense that there is some individual in your life that you know loves you beyond a shadow of a doubt. It is the feeling that there is one individual you know you can trust with knowing everything about you. It is the feeling that if something bad happens to you (ex. you get sick) that he will be there to help you when you can't help yourself. In short, it is the feeling that you come first in the other person's life except perhaps a child.

What is the only difference between you and a friend? Isn't it sex? The sexual relationship is the one part of the relationship you are not expected to share. You may choose to share it at some point, but I think that is the point where inevitably there is a fundamental change in the basis of the relationship. Is that a change that you really want to make? It is not one that we want to make. What you get from it seems far less valuable to us than what you lose.

It is an individual choice of course, but I think it is a choice all too often that is made too lightly. I feel that it is made because something is out of kilter or dying in the relationship, and it will go unexamined. There are tremendous boundary and trust issues that must be negotiated to open a relationship. It seems simpler to work on the relationship than go through all of that.

To sum it up, that is what I think and we think about Living and Loving. Till next blog.
Grover

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Saturday, July 17, 2010

Avatar and What Do the Bleep Do We Know? – Metaphysical Implications

Energy beyond our understanding is a dominant theme of both movies.


Metaphysics, the study of our origins which relates to and includes the studies of ontology and cosmology, and is intimately connected with epistemology, is the ultimate connection to the understanding of this energy. Common threads include: This energy contains an organization that reflects accurately, perhaps in the form of a “Life Force”, all that has gone on before, such as past lives, souls of ancestors, and forces that have an effect on the present and the future and/or entities that can exert a force on the future of lives, healing forces, etc. In What Do the Bleep do We Know and other sources such as The Field by Lynne McTaggart, and The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot, also eminent physicist David Bohm, a colleague of Albert Einstein who wrote Wholeness and the Implicate Order suggest this energy or force is encoded in holographic form possibly in the structure of water found throughout our bodies but most particularly in the cells of the microtubules that maintain the structure of our nerve cells. The Tree of Souls in Avatar and their God very closely epitomize this theoretical structure. The name for God in Avatar is very similar to the word Yaweh, a Hebrew name for God, and in Avatar , is the female godhead,"Aiwa".

So, we have ontology in both movies from known chemistry, the physics of a chemical, water, and existence being encoded in the holography of a dimension we are not yet familiar with. We also have an epistemology that transcends the known limits of human knowledge but is not that far-fetched considering some of the findings about plants having feelings and machines even reacting in a way that suggests their matter and functioning responds to human attitudes and thoughts in their immediate environment.

We may not have concrete proof of these mechanisms, but we have the choice to remain open to any new ontological or epistemological concepts. For the present, I believe we also have the spiritual option to have hope in these things. It is my choice currently to push the spiritual envelope and hope that some or all of these possibilities exist; which gets us into cosmology, and I again choose to maintain hope as we understand better the origins of our universe that we will discover that Dark Energy, which is necessary to explain the equations that govern the speed and pattern of evolution the galaxies of our universe are taking, may also explain some of these other phenomena.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Florida - A Tribute

Florida
© Grover Lawlis


Airport of aquariums, tweets, shells, pastels.
Light bright, royal palms probing ivory grey
Towers teetering, winds whisping their grassy
hairy heads around in pink peach pale pallet of
white tinted tufts, cotton balls tenderly touch the robins egg Blue.

The infinite Atlantic, abode of Atlantis,
twinkling emerald blanket pulled up on
shimmering sheets of sand, an elegant bed
I play and sleep in all day long where
time never is told, existed or exists.

“Paradise”, I call it. Tepid, temperate,
fecund, fragrant forest of green growing life,
luscious, flowered and bearing fruit.
Polychromatic symphony, music
Making my eyes laugh and sunshine making my skin sing.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Spewing Hatred

"Horrified" is the only word I can use to describe my feelings about what I was seeing and hearing this afternoon on the television. As much as I dislike Senator Stupak and his manipulation of the legislative process for personal gain, that dislike pales to how I feel about threats of violence, racial epithets, and epithets against sexual orientation I have seen from Tea Partyers. There is no situation in the struggles of the legislative process where that is appropriate, and I personally feel that this is a wake-up call to some violent racist, fascist, forces operating unchecked in our society currently.

We have seen the murders of any number of people over the past year by people using guns. I have been concerned for the life of our president as the underlying racist elements of this Republican obstructionism has become clear in the Tea Party movement. I watched as John Boehner stoked the flames of these violent sentiments by saying that this had always existed. He said he was outraged anyone would suggest that anyone in Congress had fostered this and that democrats would even suggest that were the cause. As for the reasons, well, he had always gotten these kinds of threats because he is a Jew. Being a Jew is not related to any political issue, Jews are commonly liberal. I should know. I am one and live with another one. A black president in the White House is.

The racial tones seem to be the true colors of the Tea Partyers. That, along with the support of Big Business at all cost, is just too reminiscent of WW II Germany to be comfortable. The people throwing bricks through the windows of democratic offices is like the Brown Shirts on Kristal Nacht. To see our country repeating these pages in history is shocking and troubling to say the least. I call on the FBI and local law enforcement to take an immediate and determined stand to stop these threats and to head off any violence swiftly and with the full consequences of the law of the land.

I also see no place for the personal ownership of handguns. Those are used virtually exclusively against people, and this gun-toting in Starbuck's Wild West attitude has no place in modern society. There are few places I felt safer than in a Starbuck's until they began a policy of tolerance for that. Now, I drink my coffee at Dunkin' Donuts.

Stop the Hate!
Living and Loving is what I am about,
Grover Lawlis, MD

Sunday, March 14, 2010

My Father

I recently had the opportunity to spend a week with my father nursing him after surgery for a shoulder injury, a torn rotator cuff if you know what that is. My mother passed away last year after a long serious illness. the visit with my father inspired this poem:
The Old Man
© Grover Lawlis

Clack! Clack! Emptying cans
of pet food upon rising.
Dawn, slivers of light fall on the bed,
I’m roused by both and coffee smells.

Farm life, feeding the animals,
has a cadence that’s timeless
constant as sunrise and sunset
life streams one day to the next.

Gray, drawn, his words slower
since Mom died. He works the
New York Times crossword, alone now,
slurping his soggy Cheerios.

His truth comes in sound bytes,
“I’m a Christian.”
Yet inside, a mind far more
complicated slices, dices, processes.

He faces the Reaper knowing,
“I’ll die of a stroke.
All my kin did.”
Old doctors never die,

They mosey into the next dimension.
Once rash, arrogant, even cruel, now
wiser, measured, tempered,
a more generous, loving soul.


Hope you enjoy it,and have a good week!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Loving Lillias

I first saw her face in a movie about 3 months ago. She had the most beautiful feminine face I ever recall seeing. Her eyebrows or fine dark hair like 2 feathers above her perfectly symmetrical almond shaped dark eyes. Her lips were the classical angelic shape of a bow, and she had a head full of curly black hair, a curl falling onto her forehead, another over an ear.
I next encountered her as I was standing in the the hallway of St. Davids hospital, this time in real life. Her beauty was striking and I felt my heart pounding with excitement. I was awe-struck, the same fine dark eyebrows arched over her dark blue almond shaped eyes. Her curly black head full of hair was the same with a lock on her forehead, another draped over her ear. She had prominent cheek bones and the same angelic bow shaped pair of almost cherry red lips against her fair skin. Again, I could not recall seeing anyone with more perfect features. I've seen her twice now, and I feel giddy at the thought of touching her.
My granddaughter Lillias was born 8lb. 9oz. by C-section on January 19, 2010. She looks amazingly like her 4-D ultrasound movie in the womb. I have spoken to other grandfathers and heard about these powerful feelings but until it happens to you, you can't really understand what it fools like. This is living and loving.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Cosmolological and Moral Self

In "Anna Kareninna" Levin describes how I see myself cosmologically, "In infinite time, infinite matter, infinite space, is formed a bubble-organism, and that bubble lasts a while and bursts, and that bubble is Me." That describes my view except I will add that my bubble is part of the vast lattice-work of the "Totality",and when my bubble bursts it effects the whole lattice-work.
My bubble is guided in its course through "life" by the moral compass that guides Levin, "an infallible judge in his soul, determining which of two (or more in my case) courses of action was the better and which was the worse, and as soon as he did not act rightly, he was at once aware of it." If I live according to this moral compass, I feel pretty good most of the time. If I don't I feel the knife of my conscience piercing my heart, and I feel quite miserable. I find alcohol dissolves the judge, and that I can not hear what he is saying if I drink. As soon as alcohol evaporates from my judge's robes the judge reasserts his powers. If I have done something under the influence against his better judgement, I will feel powerful remorse. There are people that I observe who are never in touch with "The Judge". My second observation is that if this is the case, these individuals are capable of most any behavior regardless how heinous. If their behavior becomes very heinous, their demeanor is proportionately hateful.