About Living and Loving

Out of my struggles with life as a gay man and survival as an HIV positive person I have emerged from a crucible with a significantly altered conception of the meaning of living and loving. Certain Kabbalistic and noetic notions prevail in my Weltanschauung. Kabbalah teaches that when Adonai or Shaddai or Eloheinu (God or Maker of the Universe or Universal Spirit) whatever you may choose to call this force set existence, as we know it, in motion. I choose to believe that He, She, It decided to make our universe because He needed us. The Zohar says that in order to make space for us He took a deep breath and then began filling a vessel with Light. He did it with such force that the vessel could not contain it, and the vessel broke into shards of Light that spewed everywhere. That sounds like The Big Bang to me. The tale goes on that it is our job to collect these shards and repair The Universe, and this activity is called Tikkun Olam in the Jewish faith, translated "to fix the (broken) Universe". This notion of repair and service is central to my spirituality. This is accompanied by a sense of awe about the infinite complexity of this creation and the vast limitation of my ability to understand it. My favorite prayer in Hebrew and English begins: Michamocha baielim Adonai, Michamocha nedar bakodesh, nora t'hilot, osei feleh. Who is like you Oh God, Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in splendor, working wonders.